I'll Have What He's Having
by NowAskYourself-WhatWouldLokiDo
Summary: The Avengers go out for shawarma again, and of course Thor brings Loki. Hilarious and awkward scenes are included. Also featuring Loki's wife.


"Ah, I see were all here," Tony Stark began. "Oh and Thor brought Loki..."

Loki looked up from where he was sitting beside Thor. "Watch your tongue Stark before I have to remove it,"

"I didn't say it was a bad thing!" Tony raised his hands in defense.

"You were implying it," Loki growled back staring at his menu.

"Why are we doing this again?" Natasha asked placing her hands on her head.

"Because it's fun," Tony replied.

"No, I meant the real reason..."

"Because I'm hungry. Is that a crime?" Tony smirked.

Thor jumped up from his chair. "Crime! Where?"

"Sitting beside you," Clint grumbled. He wasn't very fond of Loki being here.

A waitress walked to their table placing their drinks down. The team quickly ordered, but Loki kept observing the menu.

"Can I take your order?" The waitress asked. Loki raised a hand.

"I'm deciding,"

"Do you want shawarma, or shawarma?" Tony asked. Loki kept reading the menu.

"C'mon. There's like five choices!" Clint grumbled. "Hurry up already!"

Loki glared up from his menu. "I'll have what he's having," He pointed at Thor.

"Good choice brother!" Thor shouted, slapping his brother on the back.

"Don't touch me," Loki hissed. "I still have bruises from the last time you decided it would be fun to use me as your personal target,"

Thor looked confused. "You were in the way brother. I took that as you wanted to be included in the training,"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Well next time, don't hurt the innocent bystanders,"

"I could say the same," Bruce mumbled. Loki snarled at him.

"And don't pretend your innocent, Bruce Banner,"

Bruce shrugged. "You got in the way. I thought you wanted to be included,"

Loki crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. "Where is our food?"

"We ordered like ten seconds ago," Natasha replied.

"They dare make the god of mischief wait?" Loki asked.

Tony looked at him. "I'm sorry, are the mortals angering you again?"

"Yes," Loki replied. "This is sickening, how dare they make me wait. I wish for my food this very moment,"

"Whoa man, calm down. We don't want another alien invasion," Tony placed a hand on Loki's shoulder. Steve snickered.

"Why are you so angry all the time brother?" Thor asked. Loki turned to face him.

"Did daddy not get you the pony you wanted?" Bruce asked.

"Nope, so he made his own," Natasha snickered. The Avengers suddenly laughed loudly.

"Sleipnir is a very beautiful horse thank you very much," Loki grumbled, smashing a packet of ketchup with his hand. He stared in shock.

"I'm bleeding!" Loki screamed loudly. "This mortal object attacked me!"

Thor suddenly stood up and pulled out Mjolnir.

"This mortal being must pay!"

Thor smashed a few more ketchup packets which exploded on Loki. The trickster quickly stood up. Many customers turned to stare at the group well Tony snickered. Loki was panicking.

"They keep attacking me Thor!" Loki cried.

Thor kept smashing the packets. "They certainly are messy,"

"It's called ketchup," Tony laughed. Loki slowly turned to look at him.

"What?"

"It's made from tomatoes," Bruce stated. "Don't worry. Their not evil,"

Tony continued snickering as Thor stopped smashing for a moment. Loki looked at the red goo on his hand and raised an eyebrow.

"Then how come I'm bleeding?" Loki asked. Bruce sighed and dragged a napkin over his hand. The ketchup disappeared from his skin leaving a very confused Loki.

"Well whatta you know?" Clint smirked.

"It's a miracle!" Tony cried.

The waitress walked back with their food placing it before them. Thor lifted the food to his lips and took a bite.

"This is always so delicious," Thor smiled, spitting food across the table. Tony wiped a crumb from his forehead.

"Ya, so why not keep it in your mouth?"

Thor turned to face his brother who was taking a small bite.

"Don't you agree brother?" Thor asked, spitting crumbs of food onto Loki's face. The trickster growled in disgust turning to face him.

"Thor, keep your food in your mouth,"

Thor mumbled something that sounded like sorry and turned to stare at his tray. As he finished the meal he turned to face the group of Avengers who were all almost finished. As Tony placed the wrapper on his tray he stared at Loki who had barely eaten.

"What's the matter princess?" Tony asked. "Not good enough for you?"

Loki grumbled. "Who eats this? It is disgusting,"

"Um, judging by the success of this business, a lot of people," Bruce replied. Loki looked up at him.

"I don't count Stark as a lot of people," Loki mumbled placing the shawarma back on the tray.

"You think I'm their best customer or something?" Tony asked. "Well your right,"

Natasha quickly stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom,"

"Take princess with you," Tony laughed pointing at Loki. "She might need 25 cents though,"

"Are you calling me a woman?" Loki asked, glaring at Tony. Tony smirked.

Thor looked around confused. "Why would my brother need 25 cents?"

Steve shook his head. "Why are we talking about this?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting your virgin ears?" Tony smirked. Steve glared at him.

Sighing Natasha walked to the bathroom leaving the group of arguing men.

As the bathroom door swung open Natasha walked in. Staring at herself in the mirror she sighed. A woman walked up beside her.

Natasha looked at her. "Do I know you?"

The woman stared. "I don't know. Do you?"

"Your...your Loki's wife? Right?" Natasha asked. "Your Sigyn,"

"Yes, now would you mind telling me where my husband is?" Sigyn frowned. "I knew he'd be with Thor and it's hard not to miss that oaf,"

Natasha walked back out of the bathroom. "Ya, follow me,"

As the two girls walked up to the table, Clint stared at Loki. "Ohhhh,"

Loki stared confused. "Excuse me?"

Slowly the god of mischief turned around. Jumping, he barely managed not to scream.

"Hello," Sigyn smirked at Loki. The male Avengers stared confused.

"Hello, dear," Loki smiled slowly trying to stand up.

"That's your wife?" Tony asked behind him.

Loki turned to face the group again. "This has been nice, but I think I shall return back to base,"

"No, I think we should stay," Sigyn pushed him back into his chair. "Get to know one another,"

Sighing Loki grumbled as Sigyn sat on his lap.

"Seriously?" Tony asked. "No, I'm not believing it,"

"Sigyn," Thor smiled. "Loki never talks about you,"

Sigyn glared at Thor. "Good to know,"

"In my defense, I've had better things to talk about," Loki said. Sigyn sneered at him. "I mean. Like evil villain stuff. You know, evil plots and such,"

"Like hiding out at Diary Queen?" Steve asked.

"I haven't heard of this Diary Queen," Sigyn glared at Loki.

"I hear it's the biggest strip club in town," Clint smirked. Loki went wide eyed.

"No! It's an ice cream shop!" Loki cried, sweating as Sigyn was about to hit him where it hurts. Loki gulped. "Don't believe that fool,"

"Are you guys believing this?" Tony asked.

"Tony, stop," Natasha sighed. Tony kept stuttering.

"So," Sigyn said changing the subject. "You must be the Avengers,"

Thor smiled. "Yes, ever since we met we have been a team,"

"How did you meet?" Sigyn asked Thor. Loki shifted uncomfortably under her.

"Quite nicely. You see I was confronting Loki when all of a sudden I bumped into the man of iron and the captain of America..."

"You got punched in the face by Stark," Loki lifted an eyebrow.

"Yes, but I hardly felt it," Thor smiled.

Sigyn looked across the table at Tony. "What are you staring at,"

"Your eyes," Tony quickly replied.

Sigyn glared. "My eyes are up here,"

"So they are," Tony said, looking at her face.

Loki really wished he had his magic right now, he wanted to just disappear. He actually wanted to go back to Diary Queen.

Sigyn looked down at Loki. "What's wrong?"

Loki shook his head. "Somebody kill me,"

Sigyn frowned. Bruce suddenly stood up. "I volunteer?"

With this Loki stood up, excusing himself to the bathroom. The last thing everyone saw was Loki casually strolling out the back door.

"I wonder where he's going," Thor blinked.


End file.
